Here be strange men
by Terfle
Summary: Tanya & Rosie need to find Sophie's possible baby daddies to distract them from Donna


Donna's friends had left her with soothing reassurances that they would help her sort it all out. They tried to work out a game plan as they crossed the length and breadth of the taverna, bickering about how to go about it. They decided that finding the possible fathers would be a start although they weren't sure where they would be. They stopped for a while on the terrace and conferred. They could never stay serious for long. Tanya yanked down Rosie's waistband for a laugh as she moved away. Clutching her trousers, her friend spluttered all manner of swear words in response.

'For the last time, I do not have a tattoo on my arse.'

'You should. I would.'

'The list of things you wouldn't do decreases by the minute.'

Tanya prodded her perfect posterior with a manicured nail.

'I'd have a big lip print tattooed on my right bum cheek.'

Rosie gave her left one a resounding slap.

'And a big hand print on the other one!'

They cackled, mission temporarily forgotten. They were interrupted by Pepper and his juvenile friends who jostled their way past. On seeing Tanya his eyes lit up and a huge grin crossed his face. Rosie knew the signs of infatuation towards her highly eligible friend and prepared to make herself scarce. She signalled her leave.

'I'll see you later.'

'Where are you going?'

'I'm going to play with someone my own age.' Rosie nodded over to the approaching Pepper. Tanya turned round and drew him back in with a smile. Like a puppy led to a toy he was instantly transfixed and gambolled over to her. Rosie tapped her on the shoulder goodbye.

'With who?' Tanya demanded, attention diverted for a second.

'Hello? Have you seen the fishermen on this island? FIIIIIT' her friend declared with a big thumbs up as she walked away. They'd both noticed the abundance of tantalising fisherman earlier but had been distracted by Donna's news. Until now.

Tanya and Pepper took a seat at one of the rickety tables while Rosie made her getaway, swiftly curtailed by bumping into someone, almost knocking heads. They knocked the breath out of each other, quickly apologised and moved on. Before another man bumped into her at chest height, knocking her sideways almost into the bushes.

'So sorry!' He apologised effusively. She said she was fine and carried on.

The next one she didn't even try to get past, she saw him coming and reversed direction at the speed of light. He barely noticed and strolled moodily by. With a hint of annoyance she started down the stairs thinking about it. These guys definitely weren't Greek fishermen. She reached her conclusion and raced back. Peeking round the pillar she saw them clustered round a table with an oblivious Tanya and Pepper at the far end of the terrace.

'Tanya!' She hissed.

No response.

'Tanyaaaaaaa.'

No response. She launched herself across the terrace avoiding the guys successfully but throwing herself at the bar instead and bouncing off the ledge. Nearly knocking over some chairs she managed to get to Tanya unscathed. Her friend was leaning over seductively so she wrenched her away and swung her round. She got a snake-like glare in response.

'This had better be good.'

'Strange men on the island' Rosie muttered.

'Where?'

'Right behind me.'

'Oooooh.' Tanya perked up, her lapdog momentarily forgotten.

'If they are who I think they are…'

'It's got to be them.'

'Do you remember what they looked like?'

Tanya covertly scrutinised the targets.

'Can't tell.'

They made a quick deduction based on the men's clothes and voices.

Man number one she noted sounded Australian. She vaguely remembered Aussie Austin. She remembered being curious as to what he kept in his pouch.

Man number two was a bit trickier but he was impeccably English in manners and dress. Must be Harry. Head banger was quite a gentleman.

So man number three, the tall dour one had got to be Sam. The Scottish love of Donna's life.

Rosie was now confident about which one was which.

'Here's our chance. We'll go and introduce ourselves and distract them from Donna' she instructed. Tanya agreed and charmingly told her young pup to stay put.

'How long for?' He whined as Tanya steamed ahead, smoothing her hair. Rosie rolled her eyes.

'Until your balls drop' she muttered and went after her friend, catching her in intro mid-sentence. The men looked confused. Rosie pushed in with a winning smile.

'Hi, we're Donna's friends. We've heard so much about you.'

Donna's friends had the satisfaction of seeing all three men's smiles turn to worried expressions all round. This was going to be fun.


End file.
